I Want My Iphone Now

I will be the first to admit that I can be spoiled. I want what I want and I want it when I want it. Blame it on my parents or my own selfishness, whatever. I am who I am and I've learned to embrace it.

I am also an iphone addict. I love my iphone and will never go back to another type of phone. My iphone has everything I need. I can text, make phone calls, play words with friends, track my gas mileage, use mapquest, look up recipes, and make my shopping list. I would be lost without my iphone. Obviously, I was excited when I heard about the new iphone 4 coming out. I have been available for an upgrade since May, but I waited until the new phone came out to use my upgrade. Today, the new iphone came out but I still haven't used my upgrade. Why? Because I was denied. Denied for a new iphone. Both Best Buy and ATT denied me because I didn't preorder, so now I have to wait. I don't like being told no and I don't like waiting. So, here I sit, bitter and irritated that I was denied a shiny new iphone. Excuse me while I pout.

Please vote!

I entered Cecily in a contest for Parents magazine and she got through the first round. She now needs to get into the semi-finals and then she will have the chance to be on the cover of Parents magazine. How amazing would that be? Please do me a huge favor and vote by clicking on the link. Oh, and don't forget, you can vote daily.

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/313022?esrc=nwphotofaves4

Inked

I am now a mommy with a tattoo. :)

I have wanted a tattoo for a long time, but I had never found one with any special meaning or one that I liekd enough to have on my body forever. I had been thinking about it a lot more lately because of everything I have been going through in the last 6 months. Divorces and chilbirth seem to make a person do some really hard thinking. I was browsing online last week and found the perfect tattoo for me. It is the only tattoo I have ever see and instantly knew it was the one for me. It's a dandelion being blown by the wind. To me, it symbolizes changes. Life can sometimes seem so settled and permenent, but in an instant, everything can change. I decided to get the tattoo on the back of my neck because it's a place where I can hide the tatoo if I want or show it off if I want. I was really nervous about getting it because I've never gotten a tattoo and was scared of the pain, but it wasn't too bad. I won't lie, it did hurt quite abit and some spots of it were harder to endure than others, but all in all it wasn't too bad. It was 20 minutes of uncomfortableness and then I had this:



I love it and I'm realy glad I finally did it. It's just another part of the process of becoming a whole new and improved me.

Weekly Weigh-In

Beginning Weight: 280
Previous Weight: 266
Current Weight: 258

See that number? That means I lost 6 pounds this week. Oh yeah! BTW, I am totally doing a happy dance in my chair right now. I worked hard for those 6 pounds. I didn't get to the gym every day, but I went as often as I could and I worked hard while I was there. Lately my cardio has been focused on running on the treadmill and increasing my endurance level. I can now run a mile in 15:15, which isn't great for most people but for me that's a record. In January, I couldn't even run a mile all the way through so that is such a huge improvement for me. I need to keep improving because if I am going to do the Disney marathon in September I need to do 13.1 miles all in less than 16 minutes per mile. That seems really daunting to me right now and I hope I can get there.

Weekly Weigh-In

I am going to start documenting my weekly progress with my weight loss journey. Since January I have been working on changing my lifestyle into a more healthy and well balanced one. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy and I just wasn't at a healthy place in my life in general. I hired a trainer, got myself a gym membership, and began working hard. I started out at 280 pounds and I was doing really well up until this past month. Let's just say I fell off the weight loss wagon, so to speak. I began binge eating on foods that I know are not good for me and my body and I got really lazy with going to the gym. I know better and I have been feeling very guilty about it, especially because I have worked so hard to change for the better, yet it was so easy for those old habits to come back.

Today I faced the music and met with my personal trainer to face the music. I had not had a session with her in about 2 1/2 weeks, so I explained everything to her and we had a talk. She was very understanding and said that backslides do happen, but the important thing is to learn from them and just keep moving forward. I am going to take her advice and not let this setback determine the rest of my journey. I have worked too hard and too long to just give up. This is a lifelong marathon I'm in, not a short term sprint.

Okay, so here are my stats:

Beginning Weight: 280
Current Weight: 266

At the beginning of the month, I was 254 and my 1st short-term goal is to get under 250. I am already making the necessary steps to get back on the wagon. I am journaling all food I eat and am back on my regular exercise regime. I'm ready to do this!

My First Mother's Day

I am counting this as my first official Mother's Day because last year I was a mother in training. I was still pregnant and still experiencing horrible all day nausea and vomiting. I could only eat pineapples and yogurt without gagging and all I wanted to do was sleep all day long. This year, I have a beautiful, healthy, happy baby girl who is everything to me.

I thought that today might me a little difficult emotionally for me. I don't have a husband or partner to help me celebrate this day and my daughter is only 6 months old so obviously, she can't celebrate with me. I thought Mother's Day might make me focus on how off track my life has gotten from where I thought it should be. In actuality, my first real Mother's Day was pretty great. My parents got me a card and a present from Cecily, which was very nice and thoughtful of them. The rest of the day was spent relaxing and eating with my family, which is always fun.

In a perfect world, my husband would have signed a card from Cecily to me and he would have been the one spoiling me. You know what thought? It's okay. I am the lucky one, even without a husband to spoil me, because I have my daughter. I know Mother's Day is about the mother's but I can't help but feel extra appreciative towards my daughter today. She has made me into the person (and the mommy) that I am. She has shown me true love and true selflessness. I don't know where I would be without her and every day I spend with her makes me incredibly happy. She is the one that keeps me going and makes me want to be a great mother. I just kept focusing on the positives today instead of the negatives and it worked. I feel loved and I feel appreciated, which is ultimately what this day is all about.

Going It Alone

I am new to this single mommy thing. In fact, I am new to this mommy thing in general. I had a baby and then got separated in a span of 2 months, so life never really gave me the chance to know what it's like to have a partner to help out with baby duties. There have been things that I don't allow myself to do or even think about because I feel like I am limited by being a single parent. I would tell myself "Oh, I can't go there, because it's too hard with just me and the baby." or"I can't do that because I don't have a husband to help me with the baby." I wasn't trying to have a pity party for myself, I was just trying to accept the fact that being a single parent has its own set of difficulties and I thought there were things that required two set of hands to handle efficiently.

Last week, I tried to put that thinking behind me and I took a leap of faith. I took my daughter to Disneyland by myself. We actually were meeting up with my best friend, her husband, and their 3 year old daughter but I was doing the 2 1/2 hour drive there alone and I knew once we were at the park it would definitely test my mothering skills. Even though I had people there who would help me if I needed it, it is still different than having a partner there with you. I was very nervous. What if my daughter wouldn't stop crying? What if I didn't have enough hands to load and unload everything? How was I going to handle a day at an amusement park with a 6 month old by myself? As nervous as I was, I knew this was a test I needed to finish for my own peace of mind. I needed to see if I could do this. There are millions of other single mothers around the world, so there must be a way to handle it all without losing your mind. I just needed to take that first step.

I am happy to report that both my daughter and I had a blast at Disneyland and we both made it home safe and sound. The drive there was uneventful and my daughter slept the entire way there. She was pretty good during the day, minus a few episodes of crying when she got really tired or hungry, but they were short lived and easily remedied. By the end of the day, we were exhausted but we had survived. More importantly, I had proven to myself that I am strong enough to do things on my own. Would it have been easier with a partner to help out with things? Yes, but right now that's not an option in my life so I made adjustments and everything turned out just fine. I think doing things like this is important to show myself that I am capable of more than I think I am. Being a single mother does not have to limit me. Thanks for that lesson, Mickey Mouse.

Mommy Ramblings

My life has been pretty hectic lately. When is it not hectic? I have work, school, workouts, and mommy duties. My precious little Cecily is growing up so fast and although I love seeing her grow and thrive, it means more work for me. She is not content to just hang out in her swing anymore like she did when she was a month or two old. Now she wants to be read to and to be played with. She wants interaction and I am more than happy to give it to her, but like I said, it means more work for me.

Cecily will be six months old tomorrow and she is thisclose to crawling. She can get on all fours and rock back and forth, trying to get the coordination to actually move forward. She can also sit up without any assistance now and she rolls around like crazy. I have started her on solids and this week i started her on pea puree. She loves it! She is just so amazing and I love her so much. She is getting so big so fast and she is doing a good job at keeping me on my toes.

Starting her on solids (or purees at least) has made me think about the example I want to set for my daughter. I am working on undoing the unhealthy lifestyle I have been living for many years and I don't want to pass that along to her. I want her to start out healthy and continue that way so she doesn't have to undo anything. It's so much harder to try and get rid of bad habits than to never have bad habits at all. I want my daughter to love fruits and veggies and not know what fast food tastes like. I want her to enjoy activity and exercise and to never have to feel what it feels like to be overweight. She deserves that and I intend on teaching her healthy habits so she can live a long and healthy life.

I've been Glee-d

For a while now I've been hearing all the buzz about that Glee show. I remember seeiong the commercials for it before it came out but I never caught an episode and I kind of forgot about it. My friends and coworkers keep talking about how great it is, so I thought I'd finally give it a try. The second season started last week so I needed to catch up on the first season, which unfortunately is not all available on Hulu. I ended up renting the Season 1 DVD from Netflix and started watching it tonight...and I must say I am hooked. I love the actors and I love the singing. This show is definitely addicting! I usually am a sucker from trashy reality tv or crime dramas but Glee is really good and it's nice to watch something different than the norm. I'm only halfway through the first season, but I can offically say that I am a Glee watcher. :)

I Must Be Crazy

This week, I decided I am going to enter myself in a half marathon. Say what?!? I am the last person on Earth who would ever run in a marathon. I hate exercising and I especially hate running. So why, you may be asking, did I decide to make this crazy decision? Well, there's a couple different reasons.

1.) It's the Disneyland marathon that is held at the Disneyland theme park. I heart Disney and I don't think you could get much better scenery while running a marathon than Disneyland.

2.) I have been working on improving my overall health and fitness since January and I have been making great strides. Being able to train and complete this marathon would really show how far I have come.

3.) The timing of the marathon is perfect. It will be held on Labor Day weekend in September, which is right around the time my divorce will be finalized and just a few days before what would have been my 3rd wedding anniversary. Participating in the marathon will be really a really symbolic experience. It will kind of prove to myself that I have made it through the worst time in my life and I have come out a better person.

I am extremely nervous/excited/scared about this whole marathon experience, but I am ready to take on this challenge...I think. I told my trainer about it today and she is really excited to start training me for it. It's not until September so I have plenty of time to train and I know I'm going to need it. The marathon is actually a half marathon, so it's 13.1 miles and I don't have to actually run the whole time, but I do have to keep a 16 minute mile pace throughout. I think I will definitely hate my life the entire time during the marathon, but I know I will be so proud of myself once I finish. Let the training begin!

Keeping My Cool

Sometimes I just have to stop and wonder what the hell people are thinking. Some people just seem to lack any type of common sense whatsoever.

I mentioned in my first post that I am going through a divorce. It's not an easy situation but both he and I are trying to keep things amicable for the sake of our daughter. More often than not, it's extremely difficult for me to keep my composure when dealing with him because all I feel is anger and hurt and resentment. There are days when I just wish his balls would literally shrivel up and fall off, but for the most part I keep those kinds of thoughts to myself. Anyways, my ex just seems to keep pushing my buttons and I am really getting sick of it. I don't think he's doing any of it on purpose, he just really seems to be too dumb to think about how his actions make other people feel.

Last night he was dropping our daughter off from his weekly visit with her and he had the nerve to bring the grown daughter of his mistress to my house. Logically, I know the daughter has nothing to do with the situation, but it doesn't really matter to me at this point. I wish I could just wash my hands clean of the entire situation but I can't because he and I have a daughter together. the only thing i can do is distance myself as much as possible and that means not dealing with anything having to do with the mistress and her kids/friends/etc. For him to bring her daughter into my home without even asking is just appalling to me. Who does he think he is and what was he thinking?!? It took every ounce of self control in me to stop myself from flipping out, but I did manage to stay calm. I spoke to him about it after he had left and he claims she was just helping him carry stuff inside. BS. He really is a dunce.

Even though I wish I didn't have to go through situations like this, I can say that I am proud of myself for keeping my cool and not letting him see my anger. It shows me that I'm improving from where I was emotionally a few months ago. I am nowhere near being completely healed but the fact that I can hold my temper in a situation like that shows me that I am getting stronger. He may have gotten the best of me once but he'll never get the best of me again.

Welcome!

Well, this is the first post of my new blog. I am really excited about this. I had another blog that was dedicated to my weight loss and exercise journey, but it wasn't enough. I wanted to be able to write about my exercise and weight loss plus the rest of my life. So here I am. This blog will be all about my life.

In case you need a little bit of a backstory, I am Nicole, I'm 25, and I live in California. I have a gorgeous daughter named Cecily who is 5 months old. I am in the middle of a divorce from Cecily's father and the man I was with for 10 years. Shortly after Cecily's birth, I found out my husband was having an affair and he chose his new life over his old one. So, that brings me to the present. I am getting to know myself again and learning how to just be me. It's proving to be more than a little difficult to juggle being a single mommy, plus being a college student (only 2 more classes to go), plus working, plus life in general. I am growing stronger every day and I am redefining myself and my life. I am also working on becoming healthier and more fit. I have gained a lot of weight over the past 5 years and in January I really committed myself to changing my lifestyle. I have a personal trainer and I force myself to go to the gym as much as I can. It's a constant battle, but it is paying off because I have already lost some weight and have gone down 2 clothing sizes.

I just want this blog to be an outlet where I can vent, share stories, and just ramble about everything. I'm on my way to becoming a new and improved version of myself and I hope all of you out there follow along.